Here goes nothing. I am irritated and annoyed and just needing to vent along with needing some guidance. You know when you're in the situation for so long that you don't seem to see as clearly as you would like to anymore? Well, that's how I'm kind of feeling so I just need some outside assistance from those who are on the outside looking in. My husband and I have been with each other almost 8 years now and married almost 2. We have one child and are content with each other and our life. However, I still find myself struggling with his ex-gf. You can call it whatever you want but I feel so annoyed and irritated by the whole thing. My husband and his ex were each other's first bf/gf . They dated barely two years and he broke it off with her. She can't seem to move on. I know, it sounds kind of like the typical ex-gf that still wants to get back with the guy who broke it off with her and it is. After a year or two of their breakup, my husband and I met and started dating. Needless to say, his ex attempted to get back with him but he never budged and just ignored her. Throughout our first two years of dating, she would send him emails out of the blue every now and then asking how he's doing and just randomly updating about whatever is going on in her married life. Yes, she did get married because she got knocked up but was still never over my husband--then boyfriend. My husband never wrote her back because he knew better and had nothing to say to her. In her emails, prior to getting married, she would write about how much she still loves him and will always love him and will never give up on him until the day he gets married. Well, the good part is she did stop her emails once he and I got engaged.
However, my main issue is my husbands sisters still remain friends with her. None of them are really close with her except one sister. She and my husband's ex used to be best friends when my husband and his ex used to date. My sister-in-laws have talked with me trying to make me feel more at ease about the situation stating that they don't really talk with her and that it's really more of just her wanting to keep in touch. It gets really annoying because she tries so hard to remain in touch with all the sisters every month via facebook or myspace. She'll write comments like, as if almost on purpose to make it known that she is still present, "I miss you guys so much!....How are your parents? I miss your mom/dad! I want to hang out. Let's have dinner. I can't wait to see you guys and miss you all so much!" The thing is, she was never really close to my husbands sisters or parents.
However, I guess the part where I feel so annoyed and irritated is the fact that she still tries to keep one foot in the door by keeping in touch. I feel almost as though she still isn't over my husband and this is one way she tries to keep around in case she should ever have a chance. Call it me being insecure, paranoid, or whatever, but that is just how I feel and I just can't shake the feeling. I also feel disrespected because I've been with my husband almost eight years, have a great relationship with his parents and siblings and yet his siblings still keep bringing her around--kind of. They know their brother doesn't want anything to do with the ex-gf. Now, I have to know that I might see her at my neices/nephews' birthday parties, sister-in-law's wedding....I feel like this is just an invitation for chaos. I feel like she, "the ex gf", still remains in contact with an alterior motive and that is to eventually have another shot at it with my husband. Heck, she even admitted to my husband's sister that she was still "in love" with my husband even after she had her first child which would explain why he randomly received a Christmas card w/a picture of her daughter that year. Boy did he freak out on his sister and tell her to send that back to her.
All in all, I know that my husband loves me and wants me only. I'm the one he chose and the one that is with him. I trust my husband but I just don't trust the ex-gf. I don't want to let my guard down either but I just can't seem to get her out of our life since she is trying so hard to remain best of friends with the family. How do I express my frustration or feelings with my sister-in-laws so I don't appear to be power-hungry wanting to control who they can/cannot be friends with? Ultimately, I understand it is their choice and they can be friends with whomever they choose. What I want to really say is "Yes, I feel uncomfortable having her at any family function/event......Yes, I don't like it that she tries to remain friends w/you guys and even worse that you guys keep in contact with her too......Yes I feel slightly betrayed and annoyed when you all write things back to each other stating "I miss you too....can't wait to see you." *sighs* One time his sister and I were talking about her and she did tell me that they remain friends with the ex-gf because "she is nice." That was really it and also bc she always keeps in touch. I just feel like his sisters don't understand how it's like being on the receiving end. I am their sister-in-law now, I'm in their brother's life now, and I'm the one who is here for them also now. I also don't understand why his ex can't just move on and leave his family alone. She has her own family and in-laws to worry about so why spend so much time on a family you can't have? If she spends nearly as much effort trying to please her in-laws/husband's family, they may like her more too. I wish she would just move on and live her life without interrupting mine. There...that's really most of my frustration all wrapped into a long blog. Any helpful thoughts?
